Who doesnt love a Beatles reference? I cant think of anyone either.
So, this is it, my last week as a young adult. I feel like there is so much more that you can get away with at 25 than you can at 26 and beyond. You look back on your life and the mistakes and slip-ups and you can say, "well, I was
only 25..." but after that, people expect more of you. Now I really have to grow up.
25 was a tough year for me. It wasnt until the last few days that I really realized that though. I dont think it was that I was depressed, though I'm sure I had my moments and probably teetered on that line a little too long. I was unhappy though. Things hadnt worked out as I wanted them to, and it took me a whole year to get over that. I love both of my children. That has never faltered, though there were times where I didnt really like one or the other...or both, but I feel like that is more natural than being obsessively in love with your children. Anyway, I love them, but I would never ever have chosen to have them 18 months apart. Everyone said that it would get easier as they got older and to an extent it has, and I do expect it to continue to do so, but honestly it was a pain in the ass to deal with a toddler and an infant. I was always leaving one of my children. In the car. In the shopping basket. Inside the house while I put the other in the car. In the stroller. I just felt like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions and none of them were where I truly wanted to be: The movies. Juuuust kidding. Mostly.
So, this is it, my last week to make any really stupid mistakes where I can chalk it up to being a dumb 25 year old! I realize that I will probably spend 6 out of 7 nights at home with my awesome husband and my adorable children and that is ok. That is how I like it! Sitting here thinking about how unhappy I have been the last year has brought me to the realization that I was just not comfortable in my own skin. For starters, (lets start from the top-) I have a ton of gray hair. I have no intention of dying it, but it is there and it is a sign of what a tough year it has been. I have dark circles under my eyes. I'm Greek and that kind of comes with the territory, but its really prominent when I dont get enough sleep. My boobs. Goodness...I dont even know where to start. I miss the way they were and I think I will always miss them. I suppose that is ok. I'll just always have to wear a bra. I got a few stretch marks when I was pregnant with Hadley. They went away pretty quickly, but Atticus destroyed my body. I have extra skin that I really dont know what to do with and it looks like a tiger has decided to make my torso it's final resting place. It's pretty terrifying and a good reason why you should be married when you have kids. The rest of my body is mediocre at best. Some of you reading this will think I am being too hard on myself, but really I'm just being realistic. This is how it is. My biggest issue I think, has been that I have had the same clothes for the last 10 years. I'm still wearing clothes that I had when I was 20, and 17. And I am not 17 anymore. My body is not a 17 year olds body. I am a woman. I have curves and need clothes to fit that. So, I've been slowly buying a few pieces here and there that have boosted my confidence in myself. They say that clothes dont make the man, but maybe they do help make the woman? I feel better. I feel like I look better and that makes me happier. I donated two big boxes to goodwill a few weeks ago and that made me feel better as well. This week I will finish cleansing my closet of things that just arent working for me. I may only have 2 pairs of jeans and a handful of shirts, but I promise I'll wash them so I'm not smelly.
I guess in closing I just want to say, Suck it 25. You were not awesome and I'm glad I'm done with you. My goal for 26 is to have people want to be around me, to work on my self esteem and change my attitude-- because I have an amazing husband and children that will stick by my crazy ass, but they shouldnt have to. They deserve better and so do I.
