Recently I have been thinking a lot about choices that I have made. All of these choices have led me to sitting in my house at 1 in the morning in Springdale, Arkansas. Not only have my choices led me here, but I have allowed other's choices to dictate my life. And then there are the few choices I had nothing to do with that still led me here. A couple weeks ago we were in Fort Smith visiting Jacob's grandparents and I asked them how their parents met. Gerry (Jacob's Grandmother) told me that her parents met when her father offered to help her mother's father load his groceries. He then asked him if he needed any help on his farm. Then he fell in love with the farmer's daughter. That man had to be in the right place at the right time for Hadley and Atticus to exist. My grandfather told me once that he had taken my grandmother out for a drive one day and she scooted over in his truck and put her left arm around him as he drove. He slipped a ring on her finger and she said yes. What if my grandmother had chosen to marry someone else? I cant say the world as a whole would be affected, but I wouldnt exist. I do believe that God has a greater plan for everyone and I have to believe that the choices we make play into that plan. My parents were supposed to have my sister, my two brothers and I, but I dont think they were supposed to be together forever. I think that choices were made and even though it hurt a lot of people, in the end, it was for the best. I've thought a lot recently if I am ready to make the hard choices. Not to hurt anyone, but to make things better in the long run.
I wasnt raised a Christian. I went to church as a child, but it was mostly to spend time with my Ommie and to see friends. Faith and Religion wasnt something that my family did. It wasnt something I practiced everyday. So, as an adult who has recently started studying the bible and working on my personal relationship with God, it is hard for me to remember that I am not on my own.
I think sometimes about how I got here. I got my first job at a movie theater when I went to see a movie with my boyfriend when I was 15. That led to my next relationship with a pretty good guy who encouraged me to be more than what I thought I was. He told me I could go to college, that I was smart enough and that I could do well. We didnt last, but he will always have a place in my heart because he was the first person to ever really make me feel like I wasnt a product of my environment. I met some amazing girls in college, and that led me to leave my hometown. I eventually went back and thats when I met Jacob. I could have chosen to be on my own or in another relationship. He could have chosen to have a relationship with his ex-girlfriend, but instead we decided we would thrive with each other. Now, after two years in Houston, 3 1/2 years of marriage, two years into a PhD program in another state, a strong willed, beautiful daughter and the sweetest little boy you'll ever meet, here we are. I made vows to love and honor and cherish this life, and I think it is in God's plan that we are all right here, right now.
