Happy 2nd Quarter of a Century to me!

I made it through 25 and am now into my 26th year! Horray! My Birthday was awesome. The kids and I had stuffed crust pizza for lunch and when Jacob got home, we met some friends at Dairy Queen to let the kids run around and have some ice cream. I know that isnt the most exciting birthday, but it really was perfect to me :)

Jacob hasnt been know for his gift-getting skills in the past, but this year he really did a good job. If you know me, you know I love books. I love to read. I am saddened that I dont have more time to read, but I will catch up soon! My two favorite books are "To kill a Mockingbird" and "Little Women". So, these are what Jacob got me for my birthday! :

This is the stock photo from the website because I couldnt get a good picture, but it may be my favorite piece of jewerly (next to my wedding ring, of course!). And I know this isnt from Little Women, but it still is pretty perfect! I'm getting lots of these (types) for gifts for people this Christmas!
Here is the etsy store:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/HomeStudio/search?search_query=alcott&order=date_desc&view_type=gallery&ref=shop_search

Jacob found a website called RedBubble.com that can take pictures you find online and turn them into T-shirts!

And I know, I KNOW this shirt doesnt look like much. In fact, it looks kind of crazy, but it is awesome. AWESOME. I mean, it has a kid in a Ham suit. Serious.

 It looks much better on than in the stock picture they have!

So it was a score on gifts this year, which helps to start this year better. When I wear either of these I'll remember that I am determined to make this year so much better. I will be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better person.



There Are Places I'll Remember

Who doesnt love a Beatles reference? I cant think of anyone either.
So, this is it, my last week as a young adult. I feel like there is so much more that you can get away with at 25 than you can at 26 and beyond. You look back on your life and the mistakes and slip-ups and you can say, "well, I was only 25..." but after that, people expect more of you. Now I really have to grow up.
25 was a tough year for me. It wasnt until the last few days that I really realized that though. I dont think it was that I was depressed, though I'm sure I had my moments and probably teetered on that line a little too long. I was unhappy though. Things hadnt worked out as I wanted them to, and it took me a whole year to get over that. I love both of my children. That has never faltered, though there were times where I didnt really like one or the other...or both, but I feel like that is more natural than being obsessively in love with your children. Anyway, I love them, but I would never ever have chosen to have them 18 months apart. Everyone said that it would get easier as they got older and to an extent it has, and I do expect it to continue to do so, but honestly it was a pain in the ass to deal with a toddler and an infant. I was always leaving one of my children. In the car. In the shopping basket. Inside the house while I put the other in the car. In the stroller. I just felt like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions and none of them were where I truly wanted to be: The movies. Juuuust kidding. Mostly.
So, this is it, my last week to make any really stupid mistakes where I can chalk it up to being a dumb 25 year old! I realize that I will probably spend 6 out of 7 nights at home with my awesome husband and my adorable children and that is ok. That is how I like it! Sitting here thinking about how unhappy I have been the last year has brought me to the realization that I was just not comfortable in my own skin. For starters, (lets start from the top-) I have a ton of gray hair. I have no intention of dying it, but it is there and it is a sign of what a tough year it has been. I have dark circles under my eyes. I'm Greek and that kind of comes with the territory, but its really prominent when I dont get enough sleep. My boobs. Goodness...I dont even know where to start. I miss the way they were and I think I will always miss them. I suppose that is ok. I'll just always have to wear a bra. I got a few stretch marks when I was pregnant with Hadley. They went away pretty quickly, but Atticus destroyed my body. I have extra skin that I really dont know what to do with and it looks like a tiger has decided to make my torso it's final resting place. It's pretty terrifying and a good reason why you should be married when you have kids. The rest of my body is mediocre at best. Some of you reading this will think I am being too hard on myself, but really I'm just being realistic. This is how it is. My biggest issue I think, has been that I have had the same clothes for the last 10 years. I'm still wearing clothes that I had when I was 20, and 17. And I am not 17 anymore. My body is not a 17 year olds body. I am a woman. I have curves and need clothes to fit that. So, I've been slowly buying a few pieces here and there that have boosted my confidence in myself. They say that clothes dont make the man, but maybe they do help make the woman? I feel better. I feel like I look better and that makes me happier. I donated two big boxes to goodwill a few weeks ago and that made me feel better as well. This week I will finish cleansing my closet of things that just arent working for me. I may only have 2 pairs of jeans and a handful of shirts, but I promise I'll wash them so I'm not smelly.
I guess in closing I just want to say, Suck it 25. You were not awesome and I'm glad I'm done with you. My goal for 26 is to have people want to be around me, to work on my self esteem and change my attitude-- because I have an amazing husband and children that will stick by my crazy ass, but they shouldnt have to. They deserve better and so do I.

Choices

Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

Recently I have been thinking a lot about choices that I have made. All of these choices have led me to sitting in my house at 1 in the morning in Springdale, Arkansas. Not only have my choices led me here, but I have allowed other's choices to dictate my life. And then there are the few choices I had nothing to do with that still led me here. A couple weeks ago we were in Fort Smith visiting Jacob's grandparents and I asked them how their parents met. Gerry (Jacob's Grandmother) told me that her parents met when her father offered to help her mother's father load his groceries. He then asked him if he needed any help on his farm. Then he fell in love with the farmer's daughter. That man had to be in the right place at the right time for Hadley and Atticus to exist. My grandfather told me once that he had taken my grandmother out for a drive one day and she scooted over in his truck and put her left arm around him as he drove. He slipped a ring on her finger and she said yes. What if my grandmother had chosen to marry someone else? I cant say the world as a whole would be affected, but I wouldnt exist. I do believe that God has a greater plan for everyone and I have to believe that the choices we make play into that plan. My parents were supposed to have my sister, my two brothers and I, but I dont think they were supposed to be together forever. I think that choices were made and even though it hurt a lot of people, in the end, it was for the best. I've thought a lot recently if I am ready to make the hard choices. Not to hurt anyone, but to make things better in the long run.

 I wasnt raised a Christian. I went to church as a child, but it was mostly to spend time with my Ommie and to see friends. Faith and Religion wasnt something that my family did. It wasnt something I practiced everyday. So, as an adult who has recently started studying the bible and working on my personal relationship with God, it is hard for me to remember that I am not on my own.

I think sometimes about how I got here. I got my first job at a movie theater when I went to see a movie with my boyfriend when I was 15. That led to my next relationship with a pretty good guy who encouraged me to be more than what I thought I was. He told me I could go to college, that I was smart enough and that I could do well. We didnt last, but he will always have a place in my heart because he was the first person to ever really make me feel like I wasnt a product of my environment. I met some amazing girls in college, and that led me to leave my hometown. I eventually went back and thats when I met Jacob. I could have chosen to be on my own or in another relationship. He could have chosen to have a relationship with his ex-girlfriend, but instead we decided we would thrive with each other. Now, after two years in Houston, 3 1/2 years of marriage, two years into a PhD program in another state, a strong willed, beautiful daughter and the sweetest little boy you'll ever meet, here we are. I made vows to love and honor and cherish this life, and I think it is in God's plan that we are all right here, right now.

Pictures from today

Yep, they're brother and sister.

On this week's episode...

Titles are hard. I dont know what to ever name these posts. Anyway...

The last couple weeks have just flown by. Atticus is huge. He had his 2 month check up and is 14 1/2 lbs and almost 2 feet tall! He is still talking up a storm, but on top of that he has started laughing at himself. He will goo and then laugh like its the funniest thing in the world. I'm pretty sure he is the sweetest baby that has ever lived. Ever.
Hadley's vocabulary has taken off as well! She is starting to say actual sentences to questions or to let me know what she wants. She'll say, "no, Hadley stays in bath." or "Brudder wants hugs. aww. hugs." She is really funny. She laughs at all the right times. Last week she even said all the letters of the alphabet! So of course I went out right away and bought some buletin board letters so we can start learning what they look like.
The number three is missing from our lives. If found, please call. Hadley will say, "1...2...4!" or "1...2...4...5...6!" but 3 is no where to be found. I have tried everything to get her to say three. :) Silly girl.

We got a new puppy! Meet Grover:

We have been looking for a dog for a while now, and I just fell in love with her when we went out to look at the litter she was in. Jacob isnt as thrilled, but I know he'll come around. On the way home with her, I asked Hadley what she wanted to name her new puppy and she said "Grover." Simple as that. It surprised me because she is a big Elmo fan. But Grover fits her pretty well, as Grover is the big, goofy, always wrong muppet on Sesame Street. I'm glad Hadley isnt into Dora yet :) Grover is a really good puppy. She is half Great Dane, half Doberman (A DoberDane) Her parents were awesome with Hadley so it gives me confidence that with the right training, she will be a great dog for us. Hadley keeps walking around saying, "I'll hold her. Mon (c'mon) Grover. I'll hold her" and Grover either runs into her or runs away from her. Hadley does grab her by the neck though, so I dont really blame the dog. :) They are really adorable together though. See?:

As of this week, Jacob and I are officially done having kids. I've had a lot of people tell me that they dont know if they could handle knowing that this was their last baby, but it has changed my perspective greatly! For instance, Atticus has his first cold and Hadley has a really stuffy nose this week. Last night, Atticus was crying really hard and it woke Hadley up. Instead of being frustrated or agitated, I kept thinking, "this is the last time I will ever get to hold one of my babies this upset and this small." My thinking has changed from "have" to "get". I dont "have" to get up with them, I "get" to. Because I never will again. It does make me a little sad, but at the same time, I know this is the right choice for our family.

The Art of Parenting

Becoming a parent takes just an instant. And then you're a parent forever. Its kind of a big deal. (though with the way some people treat/raise their children, you wouldnt think they realized that. No judgement, just an observation.) Every day I am learning something new about being a parent. I am learning patience while I attempt to teach it. I am learning that my life is run by two tiny beings who rely on me for Every. Single. Thing. And I'm ok with that. This is what I signed up for. I wouldnt trade any of this for anything. But I feel like since they rely on me so much and for so much that I dont really get to have "bad days". Sometimes I need to have a bad day. I need to show how worn out I am and when Jacob offers to let me eat first, by gosh! I will! There is a lot you sacrifice when you have children. Before I became a parent, I was a little uptight about cleanliness, and now I am kind of smelly. I am ok if my hair only "sort of" smells like spit up. I can pretend like I will take a shower tomorrow. (In all fairness, Jacob lets me "shower" with the kids, so I at least get to rinse off everyday!) I dont really get to eat hot meals anymore. I cook dinner almost every night, but rarely do I get to eat it with my family. As soon as I'm done making it, I have to get Hadley situated and then I have to feed Atticus. This seems to be the meal that Atticus wants to take the longest to eat. So I eat a lot of cold food. I used to read a book a week.  I am surprised I even know how to read anymore. I havent picked up a paintbrush and painted "just because" in a really really long time. My life has been taken over by tricycles, baby dolls, Elmo (whom I firmly believe every parent has a love/hate relationship with), diaper changes, 3 meals, 3 snacks, juice, water, balls, trains, playdates, 6-10 nursing sessions a day and very little sleep. My body is a whole post in itself. I feel like a tiger has stretched out on my skin and died. But thats not a big deal. Thats why you're supposed to be in a long term relationship when you have kids. Someone has to love you when you look like a lunatic. I dont know how single moms do it. Dont get me wrong, I get so much joy out of these two little souls that lived inside me. Every smile Atticus gives me, Hadley's laugh, watching her learn how to color and seeing her in her dance outfit. Getting to clean out his closet way faster than I should because he too, is getting too big too fast. Parenthood is awesome, but its also exhausting and a learning process.

Too Big

Tomorrow Hadley starts her first day of dance class. I am both extremely excited and a little sad. In my mind, I envision her going in with her little leotard, tights and slippers and dancing up a storm, tumbling and tapping her way through this year of dance. In reality, I assume she will cling to my legs until February and even then she'll be reluctant to join in. I am putting some faith in the instructors that they can break her shy little shell and get her moving and participating with the rest of the group. The part that makes me sad is how fast she has grown into this little person. I tell her all the time that she is getting "too big" and to slow down. Be little as long as you can. She doesnt listen to me. She is off learning the next big thing in her little life. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with her. I proudly showed the stick I had just peed on proclaming "Pregnant"! (which in hind sight is kinda gross...sorry about that to my workmates) But I was so excited. I used to rock in her Wizard of Oz themed room singing Beatles songs to her when she was in my belly. I remember the moment she was born like it happened 5 minutes ago. I also vividly remember the sleepless nights of colic, all of the tears that have come with teething, her first skinned knee and the frustrations of being a toddler. Then, she learned to crawl, said "mama", took her first step, learned to run, and turned one. Becoming a big sister has been my favorite thing to watch. She loves that little boy so much! Now she is learning to count and the letters of the alphabet. She is quite the artist, lover of animals and the biggest Elmo fan you'll find...and tomorrow, she'll learn to dance. Dance your heart out little girl! Mama and Daddy are watching every step of the way.